What I have been up to

I haven't blogged very much lately because I don't have anything to say. No, really that is truly coming out of my mouth - I just don't have anything to say.

I think that's not really the case... I think that there is just a part of me who wants to keep it all to herself. All of what? My intimacy with God. Yes, I want to keep that all to myself right now, cherish it and hold on to it and not give an ounce of it away because it just feels so good and I know that by keeping it to myself for just a short while, I am building it up again and the cup will once again overflow so I can give it to others.

In the meantime, check out the Good Women Project. They help women deal with an array of issues - sexual, eating disorders, recovering from abuse, etc. They have a mentoring ministry for women, and the whole call for women in the book of Titus, that women should mentor other women, really speaks to my heart about what true discipleship is about. *hearts it*.

Dirty Diana

The miracle of following Jesus is that there is an internal transformation that takes place. Inside, I can feel the changes beginning to occur in how I view myself and the world. I'm free from condemnation and guilt, and I no longer have to be subject to the world's standards. I use the Lord's standards as my yardstick.

Who was I before? Some say they were "terrible" or that they lived in sin. While that's true of me, that's too plain and doesn't explain the detail.

Why is this important? When I was a new christian, I assumed all christians were just "nice" and "perfect" and I was just paling in comparison so that meant I wasn't doing it "right." No. NO NO NO. This is soooo not the case; it just goes to show that sometimes the internal transformation is so unbelievable that new believers never assume that someone was someone else before.

So I will be relatable, and use music to describe what I was. I was..........

20% Dirty Diana by Michael Jackson
20% Addicted by Kelly Clarkson

10% Girls Want to Have Fun by Cyndi Lauper
10% Fergalicious by Fergie
10% Milkshake by Kelis
10% It's My Life by Gwen Stefani
10% Family Portrait by Pink
10% Teenage Love Affair by Alicia Keys.

Good, in all things

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose ~ Romans 8:28

Your knowledge surpasses
all understanding. 
Gravity
Space
Life. 

You have all of us in your hands.
Our names are tattooed
on your palms. Your love springs 
forth into our lives 
drenching us, calming us, 
smoothing out the rough spots, many that
we have put there 
ourselves. 


That doesn't stop you from being 
good to us. 
God, you are so good. 
So wonderfully, beautifully, lyrically good. 


I watch you work. The more I praise you.. 
The longer time spent  
looking up to you prayerfully 
and speaking what has already 
been spoken... 


.. the easier it becomes to see, that your perfect will 
is being done now, and for me 
since I love you 
since my heart is hungry for you 
it all will work out. 


Our paths have just begun, the stories 
have just started in our lives, though 
they are ancient in your ears. The beginning 
and the end 
and the middle 
has all been orchestrated by you. 


Breathe, take it in, follow your will. That's all I have to do. 

My Will, Not Yours

Mark 14:36

"And he said "Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, what you will." 

I spent a large portion of my life wondering "why me?". Why did I have to be the one that with a rough childhood? Why did I have to be poor? Why did I have to be born with this defect? I found myself doing this yet again last night. 

"Father, why?" 

I don't know any other question to ask. I try to approach my Father authentically.  Sometimes, I'm even frustrated about it. I scream, break something. 

WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME?!?!? 

I live in such rebellion, fighting to stay afloat and work my way into the kingdom. I can be just as good, just as pure, and speak just as good Christianese as the next girl! Yes, I also deal with migraines, extreme tension and anger fits. 

It's the answer that a wise lady in my life gives me. She talks about "getting to the end of yourself." When you're done having your fit, all that is left is praise. What more can you do but praise him? There is nothing else.  I have lived through more chaos in my life than most 50 year olds. I could place blame and stir up the chaos once again. I could just stuff it and "leak" through passive aggressive behavior. I could eat it away, smoke it away, drink it away. 

OR 

I could chalk it up to Satan's a big fat fool. I could re-frame it and say that it's God's beautiful character refinement, praise him, and help others who have been through what I have been through. I could listen to this song by Jesus Culture and just bask in his good presence.. I could go to group tonight and just praise the Lord for those women and their great testimonies. I may even listen to that nudge I'm getting to go into life coaching.. and keep letting the Lord mold me until I get there.  

Besides, it's God's will, not mine! 

Modesty Conversation on LaurenLoveNicole.com

 In my news feed, I see a post come in about modesty, so I have to respond. This is a very interesting read, and while I don't agree completely, I am happy that someone is finally having the conversation and not blaming women for the sin of men. I think we spend too much time looking at the other gender for an excuse. It doesn't work that way!

You can read her article by clicking HERE.

This was my response:

Matthew 5:28 ESV: "But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart." I think you hit the nail on the head here! It's the lustful "intent" is the area where we sin.

We need to be careful that we don't place women at the center of the lust conversation; too many times I have seen women being the blame for being a stumbling block to men. This is completely unfair and I can see this being used in very evil ways - such as justification for sexual misconduct against women.

MEN can be a stumbling block for WOMEN, yet not much attention is paid to that. It's not as much with their bodies as with their communication, both verbally and non-verbally. Men can be overly affectionate, paying excessive compliments, etc., knowing that they are sending signals to women that they are interested in a sexual relationship with them. 

I am out there representing Jesus. I want to act like he would act; so, I wear clothes that I think make me look pretty. Yes, you may see the outline of my butt in my jeans; however, I am usually pretty covered and don't show cleavage. I have been whistled when wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt... if a man is looking for lust, he will find it!

You wrote: "But LUST is thinking about her body for the next 5 or 30 mins (or the rest of the day) and fantasizing about her, and thinking about fucking her, etc etc. THAT. is what the problem is." Not a fan of the word "fucking" - any particular reason why you chose it?

Yesterday

I am so grateful that the Lord has new mercies for us everyday.

Yesterday, I had planned to speak at recovery. It was a big deal to me; the room is usually full and sometimes we get over 100 people that attend. I spent hours trying to think of what to present. When I finally let my pride drop and go to the Lord, he wrote my presentation in 20 minutes. Hallelujah!

So, I picked out my clothes carefully and laid them out. Nate and I set our alarms to awake at 5:30 am. Yes, alarms: we make sure that all four alarms are set in case we oversleep. Which hasn't happened in a very long time, but it's better to be safe than sorry, right?

The alarms never went off. Not one of them.

We woke up 2 HOURS LATE!

I forgot my notes, the movie for small group time. I was crabby, mad.

I get to work, and they are testing the fire alarms. A very good looking man arrives in my office because he wants to use my microwave.

(Ok, I can handle this. My talk tonight is about sexual integrity; I would hate to ruin this by doing pre-flirting. I mean come on...)

After work, I'm driving the Expedition to pick up Nate. Someone in a white Cadillac Escalade swipes my side mirror. I put the phone down (yeah, I know) and roll down my window.

Only to see an even better looking man.

"Hey baby, I'm sorry," he says to me. I ask him if there is damage and he's like "nah, you're good," winking at me.

The talk went well, and God won. Just like he promised us :) 

The Old has gone, the New has Come

2 Corinthians 5:17: This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!


Do you own your identity in Christ? Have you ever heard it said that way? 


Other groups talk about "owning" their identity. I AM a feminist. I AM a mother. I AM an employee of such and such. I AM an Italian American. 


Do you "own" your identity as a Christian? 


I don't mean that we "own" anything in Christ; this doesn't have a pride-bent at all. Instead, I mean that do we really do what 2 Corinthians asks us to do.. do we really "own" that identity and let go of who we used to be? 


Yeah, ok, we don't party like we used to. We stopped hanging out at the bar, stopped sleeping with random strangers, stopped listening to Easy E. We don't beat people up. We have a larger vocabulary. We've changed the physical space, in a sense. 


But what about the internal space? Where do our hearts stay? Do you act the part, going to church.. bible studies.. christian friends.. fish stickers.. shop at Lifeway.. 


or do you really, truly feel the Lord's presence in your life? That no matter where you are, where you work, what you do, who you go to lunch with, that the Lord is right there with you?


A good test of this is what we think about inside of our heads. Are your thoughts filled with love, or disdain? Are your thoughts consistently filled with lust? Are you more concerned with your reputation or saving souls? 


I'm more concerned with preaching to myself right now. Just as I am doing in this blog. So ignore me if you like, I needed this more than you!